How to Be Your Authentic Self So You Don’t Die on the Inside

On Breaking Free from Numbness and Rediscovering Your Inner Spark.

Greetings, friend.

Do you ever feel like you’re dead inside—devoid of sensation, passion, or aspiration? Numb to the core? Like your heart’s been injected with novocaine? 

I do.

Sometimes caring feels foreign to me. Sentimentality feels like inaccessible content—sealed behind a wall of apathy, with my empathy caught in an aggressive chokehold.

The more I try to shake myself back to life, the worse it becomes. Because now, this deadened state is tinged with remorse. Plus, it feels gross to showcase synthetic enthusiasm—like putting on a puppet show featuring my flimsy emotions, for the sole entertainment of others.

If you’re a people pleaser…

…consistently putting your needs last…

…constantly choking back your true feelings so as not to rouse conflict… 

You might be especially familiar with this feeling. 

Maybe, like mine, your sense of detachment comes and goes—like a cold north wind, chilling you to the bone each time it returns. Eventually, it thaws. But you dread its frequent return—freezing over anew with each arrival.

Why is this happening? You come to wonder.

What is this emptiness that takes up residence within, and only swells up more when I try to shoo it away? 

Depression—that’s what we call this experience. I acknowledge its reality and hold space for all who struggle with it.

In myself, however, I see this emotional paralysis as a symptom of something deeper, rather than an isolated condition.

For me, inner deadness stems from two key sources:

1. Overloading my senses: bombarding myself with distractions—particularly digital ones—to escape discomfort or fill a void.

2. Suppressing my inner truth: when I silence my emotions, neglect my needs, or bury my authentic self, in order to conform or avoid conflict.

The good news? This is learned behaviour, which means it can be unlearned. Here’s what’s helped me deal with it. 

Reduce digital overload.

Digital overload is the main source of despair for so many of us these days— it makes sense that our brain’s defence mechanism against it is to shut down. Since none of the following tips will be effective unless there’s an effort to reduce screen time, I’ve listed this point first. If you want to address the situation, intermittent digital fasting is imperative. Commit to being more present in your days. Set time limits on social media apps, turn off distracting notifications, and consider going on a full digital detox at least once a week.

Get moving.

Numbness is a stagnant, frozen landscape within. We need to introduce heat and warm up our inner world to get things moving. We need to get moving: walking, running, dancing, flowing through yoga—whatever type of activity you connect with. Heat is energy—and energy sparks revival.

Stop running from uncomfortable emotions.

As the proverb goes, life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. We can’t always harbour pleasant emotions. There’s a Taoist expression, “Ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows,” which refers to the idea that human life incorporates both positive and negative emotions. So if you explicitly try to avoid painful or uncomfortable feelings, like grief or anger, you put a damper on the good stuff too. You are training yourself to stop feeling altogether, so the result is internal hollowness. To avoid is to create a void. To feel is to heal. Be sure to acknowledge the full gamut of your emotions by giving yourself space to feel them.

Let yourself be vulnerable with others.

We fight hard to conceal our insecurities from others, trying to make it look like we’ve been granted exclusive access to life’s instruction manual. We consider it beneath our dignity to let our weaknesses show. But the truth is, holding back our vulnerability isn’t helpful to ourselves or others. Maybe letting yourself be vulnerable means admitting you are scared or don’t have all the answers. Perhaps it’s about reaching out for help, for once. Do not ‘shush’ these truths away within you. Address them, and don’t be afraid to open up to others. If anything, it will create space for them to open up, too.

Just say ‘no.’

Saying yes when we really want to say no is harmful, even at a biological level. It leads us to harbour resentment and teaches us to ignore our inner voice. You don’t need to say ‘yes’ to every event and endeavour—just the ones that truly spark joy within you. You’re allowed to turn down an invite to the people-pleasing parade. Be honest with yourself about what you genuinely feel pulled to participate in. You’ll save energy for the things that truly matter to you, showing up more authentically for them.

Plunge into self-expression.

When I get caught up in the whirlwind of other people’s expectations, when I deny my inner voice the right to divulge its secrets, when I try to maintain a sparkling image of myself in the eyes of others—sometimes the best antidote to all of it is unabashed self-expression. This is where I embrace childlike play, engaging in creative projects that quiet my overthinking mind—like composing music on guitar, writing poetry, or making digital art. These cathartic activities create space for my inner truth to emerge.

I hope the above tips help you out! The next time you feel that familiar pang of emptiness setting in, meet it with compassion and sincerity instead of trying to run away from it.